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New ChastityBit Allows Parents to Track Teen Daughters' Sexual Activity NC Announces Successful End to Campaign to Avoid Creed Concert
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NFL Player-Turned Woodpecker Rejects Concussion Science
Donald Trump Announces Self as Running Mate
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Navy Launches First Gay Submarine
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Yankees Re-sign Cancer Kid to One Year Contract
Can Super 8 be Converted to DVD
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9 Dead After Cops Mistake White Shooter's Yellow Gun for Banana
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Undead Antonin Scalia Returns to Rule Against Obamacare
Gitmo Prisoner One Butt Fucking Away from Revealing Key Intel
Charlotte Zoo Encouraging Patrons to Harass Gay Penguins
Fitbit has released a new sexual activity tracker capable of allowing moral values parents to monitor and enforce their teenagers' commitment to premarital abstinence. The "ChastityBit", a wireless-enabled, wearable wristband, will resemble a regular Fitbit and retain all of the original tracker's functions in addition to the extra concealable features. "The ChastityBit was made to look identical to a Fitbit Alta for parents who want to monitor their... (More)
Modernized Version of War and Peace Less Long, Boring
NRA: Americans Should Wear Bulletproof Tubes at All Times

Opinion
Take Your Huddled Masses and Shove 'Em - By: The Statue of Liberty - Take your tired and your poor, your huddled masses, yada, yada, yada, and shove 'em. Let them be poor and miserable somewhere else. Fuck off. Country's full. I know what my stupid plaque says. I don't care... (More)
Recent News
Have I Mentioned Yet that My Parents Are Illiterate Shit for Brains? - By: Ted Cruz - You might assume from my presidential candidacy and position in the US Senate that I was born with a silver spoon in my mouth. Not so. I come from very humble beginnings. In fact... (More)

Kochs Offset Gates Foundation with $550 Billion Donation to Evil

Love Thy Neighbor as Thy Love Thyself - Unless Thy Neighbor is a Fag - By: Jerry Wallingford - As commanded by the books of Moses and recorded in Mark 12:28-34, I believe that one should love thy neighbor as thy love thyself, unless of course thy neighbor is a fag... (More)

Man Protesting Death of Man Beaten to Death by Police Beaten to Death by Police


 
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