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Eleven Year-Old Would-Be Virgin Mary Miscarries Baby Jesus Melania Trump Publishes Masterful "Peace and War"
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Black Baseball Player Killed by White Umpire
House GOP Introduce Bill to Reverse 2nd Law of Thermodynamics
NASDAQ
Man Discovers He is 98% Douchebag on Ancestry.com
S&P
"Polk" A Death Metal Off-Broadway Flop
Can Super 8 be Converted to DVD
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Navy Launches First Gay Submarine
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9 Dead After Cops Mistake White Shooters Yellow Gun for Banana
Gitmo Prisoner One Butt Fucking Away from Revealing Key Intel
Trump to Stephen Hawking: "Shut Up, Stupid"
The second coming of Christ was delayed indefinitely Friday when 11 year-old Mary Ashley Siler of Belmont, Missouri miscarried the baby Jesus in a Morning Creek Middle School restroom stall. Though confirmed to be as yet sexually unspoiled, it is assumed Siler's lack of moral rectitude allowed the devil to enter her body and take up residence in her womb, setting the stage for the cataclysmic battle of good and evil that was to follow. "I felt kind of bloated, and my stomach started to cramp really bad," Siler said... (More)
New ChastityBit Lets Parents Track Daughters' Sexual Activity
Charlotte Zoo Encouraging Patrons to Harass Gay Penguins

Opinion
Take Your Huddled Masses and Shove 'Em - By: The Statue of Liberty - Take your tired and your poor, your huddled masses, yada, yada, yada, and shove 'em. Let them be poor and miserable somewhere else. Fuck off. Country's full. I know what my stupid plaque says. I don't care... (More)
Recent News
Have I Mentioned Yet that My Parents Are Illiterate Shit for Brains? - By: Ted Cruz - You might assume from my presidential candidacy and position in the US Senate that I was born with a silver spoon in my mouth. Not so. I come from very humble beginnings. In fact... (More)

Kochs Offset Gates Foundation with $550 Billion Donation to Evil

Love Thy Neighbor as Thy Love Thyself - Unless Thy Neighbor is a Fag - By: Jerry Wallingford - As commanded by the books of Moses and recorded in Mark 12:28-34, I believe that one should love thy neighbor as thy love thyself, unless of course thy neighbor is a fag... (More)

Man Protesting Death of Man Beaten to Death by Police Beaten to Death by Police


 
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