Government Launches New Safe Sex Campaign to Combat Bird Flu

The Department of Health announced the launch of the 'Protect Your Pecker' campaign to combat the spread of Avian Flu to people today.

The initiative, promoted by the agency as a pragmatic, unadulterated approach to advancing human health and wellness, will also address the stigma associated with avisodomy among the farming and bird loving communities.

"Love is love. Our only gull with the campaign is to sparrow people from harm and egret," DOH spokesman Isaac McDermott said. "Protect Your Pecker isn't about shame or judgment, but having an open and honest conversation with people who f*** their chickens."

Though still highly uncommon in people, the bird flu has made the jump to humans in higher numbers over the past year, prompting the government to take a prophylactic approach towards stemming the spread.

"We've listed on our website a number of cock-a-doodle-dos and cock-a-doodle-don'ts," shared McDermott. "For example, cock-a-doodle-do always wear a condom when f***ing your fine, feathered friend, and cock-a-doodle-don't be promiscuous. Toucan be safe, but three's a fowl!"

As of press time, the Protect Your Pecker campaign was canceled after the DOH acknowledged that the influenza virus isn't a sexually transmitted disease.