Someone Should Pass Some Laws to Protect Me from My Big Fat Drunken Dumb AssBy: Tucker Johnson - Hey, there. How's it going? Not so good here. I'm a fucking blimp, my blood pressure is off the chart...
What Do I Need to Say to Put You in this Coffin Today? - By: A Sad Shell of a Man - Oh hi there. I see the Excelsior has caught your eye. It’s a fine coffin - very elegant. Do you mind if I ask what brings you by to see us... (More) 
I’m Turning You Blind Because You’re Ugly and I Hate You - By: Jesus Christ -Hey there, Timmy. How’s the vision? Not so good? Getting worse and worse by the day, huh? What a real fucking shame. Remember when you had normal eyesight how you... (More) 
We Must Pray Harder!
By: Clyde Murphy – Faith Based Little League Baseball Coach - Okay Bombers, huddle up. Let’s go, take a knee. Now I know why some of you are crying, after all having God forsake you to the tune of...
Debate Corner - "I'm Not Gay" Vs. "Give Me Some Cock!" - Featuring the Cerebral Cortex and Midbrain of a Sexually Repressed Homosexual Conservative Congressman
I Can Masturbate Through Anything - By: Russ Slayter - I’ll be the first to admit that I’m not the smartest, most attractive or talented person on the planet, but I’m not stupid, altogether ugly or completely...
What’s My Drug of Choice? Well, What Have You Got? - By: Tucker Myers - Does smoking a single joint doom a person to a lifetime of crippling drug addiction? Will getting high on crystal meth impel you to throw yourself from...
The Porno of Today is More Profane than Ever Before - By: Rep. Charles Monroe (R-NE) - Ladies and gentlemen of the House, Madame Speaker, I thank you for yielding the floor to me today so I may address what I view as a growing threat to our nation...