You've Got To Want To Be Fucked Hard
By: Lance Sherwood - Motivational Speaker to the Porn Stars
Good morning ladies, I think you all know why I’m here. The respective smut peddlers you work for seem to feel that you’ve lost your edge. They think you’ve lost your enthusiasm for sucking cock, your appetite for hot barely legal pussy, your zeal for getting every orifice of your body penetrated for eight hours a day by the erect penises of strange, often pudgy men. For shame. Girls, if you want to continue being competitive in this industry, you’ve got to want to be banged hard.
Judging by your subtle looks of indignation, I can tell most of you don’t agree with these less than flattering assessments of your work, but let me assure you, they’re accurate. I’ve seen these expressions cross your faces before – on camera in place of the appropriate countenances of unbridled ecstasy over having a middle-aged midget preparing to mount you as the forty-third participant of an internet gang bang. Not good.
I don’t mean to single anyone out, but Misty Melons, I’d have to rate your work in “Slut Academy VI” one limp dick down. You took to that commandant’s cock like a cat takes to a tub of cold water during the graduation scene, and your moaning as your hot, big-breasted roommate began eating your box within ten seconds of your moving into your dorm room resembled more the exasperation a person makes over getting a parking ticket than receiving oral sex. I suggest you download the audio file of a retarded baboon playing with an Etch-A-Sketch currently featured on my website and study it well.
Something amusing Hilary Skank? You fuck like old people do jumping jacks. You haven’t made me believe you truly wanted it in the ass since “Fuck My Sister, Mister”. So if unlike the performance you mailed in to the production of “Shaved Whores Down the Hall” you could take what a man has to offer without making all sorts of funny faces I’d really appreciate it. Thanks so much.
I urge each and every one of you to step back and take stock. Where would you be without porn? Waiting tables at Denny’s? Counting quarters at the bank? Earning a PhD in biochemistry at some university? Wherever it might be, all the blowjobs you give would be for free. I’m not kidding. You’ll be tossing your salads down at the Olive Garden for eight bucks an hour if you don’t get it together.
So come on girls, what do you say? Are you going to give in to complacency, lose your coveted positions as the highly paid video vixens you are to some upstart runaway just off the bus from Iowa, or are you going to rediscover your passion for having sex with strangers on film for money and be the best porn actress you can be? The choice is yours.