Household Swearing – The Hidden Danger to Children Lacking Health Insurance

According to a recent study, verbal profanity is five times as profuse amongst American families lacking health insurance – a dangerous implication for the children living in such households.

Though the causative reasons for the increased swearing amongst the uninsured remain unresolved, the spiritual detriment it poses to impressionable young minds is clear. For example, nine out of ten priests surveyed agreed that a child reared in an environment rife with profanity is at least 50% less likely to eventually earn their way into heaven.

Amongst the 11 million children in the US without health care coverage, eight year-old Mindy Green of Chattanooga Tennessee is one of the many young victims of the vulgarity being spewed by the 35 million adults who share her condition.

Said Mindy: “Since my dad lost his job at the car factory and started working at Fuck-Mart he says ‘fuck’ a lot. Especially when some asshole calls on the phone or when the fucking mail comes, but sometimes he just says it for no fucking reason over and over, like when he’s lying on the couch or making a sandwich or is in the bathroom. Once when my mom broke her finger in the goddamn oven he screamed it real loud and threw the kitchen table against the wall. That was fucked.”

Mindy went on to brag, “I know what a cock sucker is. My dad said it to the shitbag who bought my mom’s diamond necklace for a hundred dollars after I got sick from old macaroni salad. I thought it meant someone who sucks chickens, but it’s someone who sucks detectives. My mom said ‘cock’ was another word for ‘dick’, which my teacher told me means ‘detective’.”

Furthermore, many experts warn that the malady in question could expand to epidemic proportions, affecting even the most highly insured families as those without coverage intermingle with the rest of the population.

“Health insurance can’t completely protect our kids from this scourge,” remarked Simon Hough, a noted Christian scientist, “It doesn’t constitute an impenetrable bubble. Whether we like it or not our children will interact with those who have been corrupted and will be at risk themselves. Not until the act of cursing itself is made illegal and harsh penalties for doing so become enforced will we be safe.”