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Fed Spokesman Reports Economy Going All to Shit Obscurity RatesStudy: 99.9% of Americans Suffering from Obscurity - A new study indicates that, despite their very best efforts, most Americans are not at all famous. A collaborative effort between over one hundred researchers in twenty laboratories on fifteen campuses across the... (More)  
New Birth Control Pill Turns Women into Christian Fundamentalists - A new form of contraception that turns its user into a fundamentalist Christian will soon be available to American women after receiving final approval from the FDA... (More)      
   
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US Poetry Rate Soars to New High    
Arizona Deports Thousands of Useless People
Appearing before the House of Representatives this morning, economist and Federal Reserve Board of Governors member Randall Mishkin surprised as many on Capitol Hill with his assessment of the nation's economy as he did with the stark language he employed to do so. "Ladies and gentlemen, I'm not going to jerk you off," Mishkin prefaced his opening remarks, "The economy is going all to shit." ... (More)
  Is Mount Rushmore Being "Muslim-ified"?
Limb Dismemberment Craze Excites Teens, Worries Parents    
  US Soldier Kills 7 in Elaborate Bid to Fake PTSD    
  Governor Blasts Lavish $87 Food Stamp Party    
  Diebold Voting Machines Come To Life, Attack Democrat Voters    
  Veteran Dies Protecting Buffet Ice Cream Machine from Fat Woman    
  Nationwide Scavenger Hunt to Give Barren Couples Life Mission    
Shaky Global Economy Sends Kitty Prices Soaring
House Passes $500 Billion Funding Bill for War on Women
   
Inmates Wanted: New Private Prison Announces 3,000 Openings
Jocks Drive Mars Rover off Martian Cliff
Poll: 4% of Americans Vampires
 
Government Plan Offers Incentives for Abortions, Suicide
American Consumers Eating More from Free Food Group
FBI: White Supremacist Group Keeping Busy Playing "Race War"
Pawlenty Presidential Exploratory Committee Vanishes in Arctic
Republican Senator James Inhofe Changes Party, Sex