Home World National Opinion Local Entertainment Home And Garden Advice Farts And Giggles  

                Links Advertise Contact

Pharmaceutical Company Invents New Mental Disorder

Pfizer Corp. announced its introduction and cure of a widespread new mental disorder today.

Characterized by periodic feelings of anxiety relating specifically to the individual's mental health, Transient Borderline Dysmorphic Personality Disorder could affect some 70% of the population, the company's findings indicate.

"The otherwise healthy subject will occasionally find him or herself wondering if there is something wrong with them - in particular if they are suffering from a mental disorder such as depression, a personality or anxiety disorder, or some other type of mental condition," Pfizer spokesman Tyler Byrd described.

Though its causes remain undefined, Byrd emphasizes that this lack of understanding doesn't make TBDP any less serious.

"In fact, if you think there might be something wrong with you, there already is," he said. "Our studies have shown that many people diagnosed with TBDP also show symptoms of temporary mood swings, mild to moderate weight gain or loss, transitory self doubt and occassional lethargy."

Fortunately, Pfizer also announced today having received FDA approval for the distribution of Placevilor, a new drug shown to be highly effective at treating the disorder TBDP.

Clinical trials of Placevilor have shown side effects that include dizziness, drowsiness, nausea, anxiety, moderate to severe mood swings, weight gain, kidney damage, cardiomyopathy, strokes, depression, and suicidal thoughts or actions.

Read More

    Modernized Version of War and Peace Less Long, Boring

    Charlotte Zoo Encouraging Patrons to Harass Gay Penguins

    Poetry Corner - With Former Red Army General Uri Pavlovich