I Sent That Priest to Molest You as a Test of Your Faith, And You Failed
By: God

WAAAAAAAH!!! I got molested by a priest. WAAAAAAAH!!! I tried to obtain justice from the church and through my state's secular legal system only to be stymied at every turn by the local archdiocese, and now I'm so angry and alienated that I don't want to be a Catholic or believe in God anymore. WAAAAAAAH!!!

Well surprise, asshole, I sent that priest down to Earth to diddle and rape you as a test of your faith, and guess what? You failed, fuckface.

That’s right, stupid, Father Hanson is actually one of My vessels. A vicarious tool, if you will. He wasn’t satisfying some “sick, twisted urge” when he went down on you and fingered your shit pipe after Sunday school, he was gauging the depth of your devotion. And every time he came over to baby-sit you during that six month span your mother was attending night school? He wasn’t merely sodomizing you every night; he was probing your soul. And it was lacking.

Hey numb nuts, what do you think life is other than one big test? Some kind of party? I took all of Job’s wealth, destroyed his house and killed everyone he loved, and he still got on his knees to kiss my ass. But you, you can’t take a little salad tossing, butt rape, and a systematic conspiracy to suppress your victimization and allow its perpetrator to go free and molest again without renouncing the church and turning your back on Me like a big baby. Pathetic.

Seriously dumbass, it never penetrated your thick skull that maybe there’s a little divine intervention behind the fact that there are so many priests and bishops molesting kids and getting away with it? What did you think, there’s a predisposition amongst sexual deviants to assume the cloth as a subconscious means of seeking refuge from their aberrant sexual proclivities? Well, yes, this is true, but I’m the One who made them that way, shit for brains. After all, I’m God, the omnipotent creator and controller of all. Hello???

Oh Me, do you make Me sick. Have fun burning in hell.

P.S. - You owe me $650 in back-tithes. And don't think just because I'm already sending you to hell that you don't need to pay up. I can still seriously fuck with you before I make you die.