Debate Corner - "I'm Not Gay" Vs. "Give Me Some Cock!"

"I'm Not Gay"
By: The Cerebral Cortex of a Sexually Repressed Homosexual Conservative Congressman

As a proud conservative, heterosexual man, there is nothing I consider more repulsive than gay sex. Just the thought of one man gratifying another by massaging and kissing his penis before giving or submitting himself to anal sex fills me with immeasurable disgust. It's abhorrent, and it's an offense to God punishable by nothing less than the condemnation to an eternity in hell.

Which is why I'm glad I like vagina - my wife's in particular. Oh yes, my wife's vagina. There's nothing better.

Even if, just for arguments sake, I did happen to be gay, there would be no way I would act on my vile impulses. Besides the infernal afterlife consequences already mentioned, the repercussions that being caught would have on my career, reputation and family would be so catastrophic that even the most cursory risk-benefit analysis would illustrate the pure folly of such a venture. I mean, I'm a United States Congressman for goodness sake. I have a lovely wife, three children and two grandchildren. I'm respected and relied upon by thousands of people. To think that I would, hypothetically speaking, give in to a dalliance of such an obscene nature merely for a moment of ephemeral carnal pleasure is simply ridiculous.

I'm not gay.

Give Me Some Cock!
By: The Midbrain of a Sexually Repressed Homosexual Conservative Congressman

I want cock! Give me some cock! GGGGRRRRRRRRRAAAAGH!!!! COCKS, DICKS, PENISES! GIMME GIMME GIMME!!!!

Oh, to feel the waves of norepinephrine and dopamine surge through me when I get hold of my next boner. Protruding from the washboard abdomen of a handsome, well-toned young man, or perhaps just a glory hole in the bathroom stall at some road stop somewhere, all turgid and stiff as a tree branch, I'll suck that jizzhose until its hot man goo puts the fire out in my belly.

Yeah, you hear me? I want some cock, and I'm going to get me some cock, because your feeble, dorky logic is no match for the brute strength of my savage need to blow some guy. You ever see Revenge of the Nerds? Well you're Poindexter and I'm Ogre, so you can either do this the easy way and let me satisfy my "vile" impulses with someone we can trust in a safe, clean environment, or we can do it the hard way and you can get a bird's eye view of me sucking off the first dude who's up for it in the restroom at the Fall Out Boy concert where you'll be hanging from the wall by your underpants.

Gay, straight, bi; who gives a shit? I need penis!