If You Don't Vote Republican You're A Baby Killing Faggot
By: Former Senator George Allen

You know what? I'm getting pretty sick and tired of all these sissy fruity-pants running their man-made vaginas about Iraq this and unprecedented corruption that as reasons to vote against the Republican Party in the upcoming election. What the heck? Has the entire country turned into a bunch of baby killing faggots? Jiminy Christmas!

So okay, Iraq isn't going exactly the way our think tanks thought out. Sure, there might be a few more funeral bombings than parades going on over there right now, and maybe Halliburton and some others have made a couple extra bucks overcharging the government slightly for food and laundry service some of our more dandy soldiers have deemed less than fabulous because they're getting more runs in their pantyhose than cherries in their fruit cups, but come on people, let's not lose focus. There are homos getting married in California and babies being murdered! Have you forgotten? Babies. Being murdered. Gays. Getting married. Hello?!!!

Am I the only one who hasn't completely lost his mind?

Really, you people should be ashamed of yourselves. In practice, the GOP's version of limited government may have resulted in a handful of people paying a little more for their prescription medicine and a few more smoggy days while limiting what you can spend or gamble your money on and see and hear on television and radio, but you know what else it's working hard to stop? The slaughter of defenseless unborn fetuses and the consummation of legal unions between two demented members of the same gosh darn gender for crying out loud! Come on!

What are you people, queer? And how can you hate babies so much? They're so cute!

Now I beg your pardon for being so coarse in the way I'm addressing the subject, but I feel it necessary under the circumstances. I mean jumping bullfrogs ladies and gentlemen, let's pull our heads out of our collective proboscis, figure out who's who and what's what, elect some more Republicans, save some babies and help those who are still confused to retrieve their brain cases from their derrieres before they get the wrong kind of company up there, huh?

And yes, there was that whole Mark Foley thing, and maybe a couple of young children have died in Iraq, but that freak was a Democrat infiltrator and most of those kids in Iraq were already born and weren't American.

So don't be a fag - vote Republican!