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Hugo Chavez Molesting American Boys in Their Dreams
Exhibiting frightening new supernatural powers reminiscent of horror film lore, Venezuelen President Hugo Chavez has begun molesting boys in their most vulnerable state - their sleep.
According to sources, the victims, all boys ranging in age from 11 to 14 residing predominately in the southern and midwestern United States, report experiencing dreams of a highly sexual nature involving an older Latin man resembling Chavez before awaking to discover their lower abdomens and groins moist with a sticky substance proving to be human semen.
"I knew that man was evil, but I didn't know he was supernaturally evil. He befouled my darling boy's sweet dreams with vile filth and left a puddle of his demon seed on his belly," fumed the mother of one victim, "Hugo Chavez is the devil."
Another woman, who since being apprised by a chain email that Chavez is conspiring with communist terrorists around the world to dispossess Americans of their freedoms, has for a year been boycotting Venezuelan owned Citgo Oil by driving an average of twenty miles out of her way each week to patronize a gas station supplied by Chevron - a company that regularly purchases crude oil from Venezuela - recounted her own son's violation.
"Over the past month Chavez has appeared in my son's dreams several times as a swim instructor, a karate teacher, a lifeguard, a dentist, an ice cream truck driver, a construction worker and a trumpet player in a mariachi band to molest and defile my child. Something must be done," said the woman.
But what should be done? Inspired by a tactic employed by the victims of Freddy Krueger in the Nightmare on Elm Street movie series, one family attempted to arm their son with a gun slipped into his pajamas he could use to shoot and kill the incubus Chavez, but met with disappointing results as the pistol reportedly transformed into a bottle of baby oil in his dream which the controversial South American leader used to give the boy an erotic massage.
"It's abominable. The man is an enemy of the American people, and his country should be bombed back into the Stone Age," seethed a man who identified himself only as a "proud American".
Meanwhile, DNA tests of semen collected to verify Chavez's identity as the attcker are still pending.
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