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Serbia Appoints War Criminal Ratko Mladic New Ambassador to the United Nations

Ratko Mladic, one of the two most wanted Bosnian war criminals still at large since the conflict ended in 1995, was appointed the new Serbian ambassador to the United Nations today.

Presenting Mladic as Ratko Mladich, a businessman and former military officer of unspecified rank or capacity, Serbia denies their new appointee is the same man indicted on charges of genocide, war crimes, and crimes against humanity in connection with the siege of Sarajevo and the massacre of 8,300 Bosnian men and boys at Srebrenica on July 11, 1995.

Remarked President of Serbia Boris Tadic: “Mr. Mladich is not the war criminal we are currently cooperating in the hunt for, but an honest man of business and a great patriot who has a moustache and spells his name differently.”

Many aren’t convinced, however.

“That’s Mladic," proclaimed a Bosnian woman whose sister and father died in the war, "He could grow a full beard and I'd recognize him anywhere. And look, he’s still wearing those same military fatigues. Honestly, I don’t think he has any other clothes.”

Despite Mr. Mladich’s striking resemblance to the wanted war criminal of a highly similar name and the lack of verifiable evidence to disprove he is the same man, high ranking officials of the United Nations, the United States State Department and the European Union have been unanimous in their declination to pursue the matter.

Serge Brammertz, Chief Prosecutor of the International Criminal Tribunal for the former Yugoslavia, a group which, in collaboration with the CIA, NATO, Interpol and the Serbian government has failed to locate Mladic in a region the size of South Carolina over a twelve year span, laconically dismissed the alleged connection, “This is not the man we are looking for. That would be a bit too obvious, don’t you think?”

Brammertz, who just took over his current position from Carla Del Ponte in January, took the opportunity to issue a warning to the real Mladic.

“We will find you, and when we do, justice will be served,” he said.

Meanwhile, rumors circulate that Radovan Karadzic, Serbia’s other most wanted war criminal, has made use of his background in psychiatry to open a practice in Brooklyn, where he reportedly advised a Muslim patient to commit suicide.

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