I'll Get You Yet, Lance Armstrong!
By: Death

Well, well, well Mr. Lance Armstrong, so-called cycling extraordinaire, haven't you gotten a bit smug over giving me the slip a few years back? Yes Lance, I've seen the silly little commercial you made taunting the testicular cancer I gave you that you "beat". Very cute. You're quite the shit talker, aren't you? Well, I hope you enjoy your fleeting chance to gloat, because although you might have won that round, I promise you, I'll win the bout. I always do. Just check my record - I'm 7,562,098,802 and 0, dickweed.

Ooh, look at me. I'm so brave! I fought cancer and I won! Horse shit. If it weren't for modern medicine sticking its nose in where it doesn't belong once again, you'd be pushing up the daisies by now. Besides, pushing back against the darkness out of fear of death hardly qualifies as being brave, you big pussy. Accepting your fate and relinquishing the safe comfort of your life for the mystery that lies behind the mortal curtain - now, that takes guts.

Boy, you'd think as a professional athlete you would have better sense than to antagonize an adversary by talking all kinds of trash, but no. You've got some balls, my friend (or, to be more accurate, ball). Either that or you're just kind of dumb. Maybe you're one of those kind of guys who let's his genitals do most of his thinking, making your half neutering a sort of lobotomy, huh? LOL

Seriously though Armstrong, I love guys like you. You dodge a few of my knockout blows with your chemotherapy, angioplasties and fancy prescription pills, and you get all full of yourself. You get cocky and start shooting your mouth off. Well good for you douche bag, but you're still doomed. It might take me longer than in years past, but mark my words, I will put you in your grave where you belong.

Do you really think you can beat me Armstrong? Because you can't! I'll get you yet! Just you wait and see!

Lance Armstrong. Pedaler supreme. Please. More like peddler of cheap, ugly bracelets these days. Assface.