This God Damn Swear Jar Is Going To Buy Me A New Mother Fucking Car!
By: James Fuckin' Cobb
As a guy who's been fucking known to swear a bit here and fucking there, I thought it was total bullshit when my bitch of a wife made one of these god damn swear jar things and told your's fucking truly that I had to put a cock sucking quarter in every time I said a word like 'fuck', 'shit', 'cock', 'cunt', 'bitch', 'asshole', 'tits', 'balls', 'twat' and so on, but I tell you the fuck what, it's been four fucking months, and I'm up to my cock and balls in dough. I'm telling your ass, thanks to this twat licking swear fucking jar I'm practically shitting money out my asshole!
How much scratch are we talking a fuck about? How about enough to buy a new mother fucking car, mother fucker? You got that right cunt face, and I'm not talking some ass dragging shit box Ford Fuckus either, I'm talking about a mother fucking Escalade. How do you like that, bitch? Of course the money is supposed to go towards my kid's fucking education, but there's no way that asshat's going to fucking college. He's got shit for brains.
Yes sir, I gotta hand it to my fucking old lady, I thought she was just being an overreacting cunt with all of this, but it turns out this was her best fucking idea since, well, fucking ever, because I love to fucking swear, and I love money, so you do the god damn math, dick ass. Yep, getting paid to swear - it's the perfect marriage - unlike mine apparently, considering the fucking fact that the twat fungus who said she'd be with me until death do us-a-fucking part separated from me last month. Called me a psychotic asshole, then refused to pay the swear jar. The hypocritical bitch.
What-fucking-ever, I couldn't give less of a god damn shit. I'm happier than a cock sucking mother fucking son of a bitch with his dick up some cum guzzling fucktard's shit pipe now anyway, so who needs that slut or my old job I fucking lost last fucking week? It was a shit job anyway, so fuck it. Why would I want to keep teaching these twelve year-old mother fuckers English at twenty fucks an hour for when I can make that much in a minute swearing my ass off in my bitchin' new bachelor fuck pad on Uncle Sucker's mother fucking dime? That would be fucking stupid.
