Love Thy Neighbor as Thy Love Thyself - Unless Thy Neighbor is a Fag
By: Jerry Wallingford

As commanded by the books of Moses and recorded in Mark 12:28-34, I believe that one should love thy neighbor as thy love thyself, unless of course thy neighbor is a fag.

Let us consider what God must have meant when He issued this most important of commands. Though He didn't specifically exempt homosexuals from obligatory neighborly love, it is most certainly the case that He didn't do so because it kind of goes without saying. No way would God tolerate living next door to a pole smoker.

Some people say that homos are fags because God made them gay, and that we should therefore love them as we would love ourselves if they should happen to buy the house next door to ours and immediately install in the backyard a gazebo complete with cast iron bar table and stools. I disagree. Being gay is a choice the same as deciding to be a Mets fan, and both choices make you a fag and me hate you.

The same goes double for Patriots fans. Fucking fags.

Furthermore, when God says "love thy neighbor", He eludes to all who dwell on Earth. Simultaneously, God has given each of us resources that are very limited in comparison to the amount of need that exists in the world. Therefore, cuts have to be made somewhere to the billions of people on the planet to whom we impart our finite love, and you've got to believe that such a wide swath has to include the fags.

In conclusion, it is only natural to hate homosexuals, and if I must show an equal amount of love to my neighbor as I do myself regardless of sexual orientation, then it would follow that by hating my fag neighbor I must hate myself, which would be impossible, because I rule.