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Cooking With John Ashcroft Abstinence in the 21st Century: Let’s Cross Our Legs Around the World! - By: Laura Bush - Hello again everyone! As you could probably tell from the title of this article, I’d like to switch gears from the usual domestic theme of this column to discuss with all the young women of the world out there... (More)    
Ask a Clinically Depressed Landscape Expert - With: Bill Landis - Bill Landis is a clinically depressed certified landscape technician uneager to field questions regarding all your outdoor projects. Dear Bill, I was planning on trying my hand at building a porch in the backyard of my new home and have a... (More)  
Some Curious Real Estate Listings

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Playtex Introduces 'Revolutionary' New Tampon    
Conducting Yourself around Your New Not-So-Legal Mexican Maid - By: Laura Bush  

Hello once again, and an obligatory welcome to another installment of Cooking with John Ashcroft, with myself, John Ashcroft. Did I tell you to pick anything up? Put that down! In this installment, I will instruct you on how to make turkey burgers; which are much easier on the pancreas than traditional cock meat... (More)

  How to Knit a Cute Hat for Your Un-aborted Fetus - By: Laura Bush  
  Making A Floral Arrangement For Your Non-Citizen Son Killed In Iraq - By:i Laura Bush  
Food Network to Introduce Random Violence into Programming