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Making A Floral Arrangement For Your Non-Citizen Son Killed In Iraq
By: Laura Bush

Hola amigos! Tango bueno? No? Feeling a little down about your non-citizen son being killed in Iraq? Well, that’s understandable. After all, just because you’re not citizens of our country doesn’t mean you’re not human, right? Of course not! Seriously though, even though I can’t imagine what it would feel like to lose a child, I think the knowledge that he died serving to protect our freedom as Americans and want-to-be Americans would be very consoling. Still upset? Use some tissue paper to dry those eyes. Don’t use too much though, because we’ll want to save as much as we can for making the flowers.

Phew, so now that all that’s out of the way, we can begin.

To make an eye catching floral arrangement to honor the sacrifice of your non-citizen son without jeopardizing your job by stealing real flowers from your employers’ gardens, you’ll need the following supplies:

• Colored tissue paper
• Pencil
• Scissors
• Pipe cleaners

First, print out these flower patterns, trace them onto your tissue paper, and cut them out. Then, layer the flower parts with the smallest on top, poke two holes through the middle with your scissors and thread your pipe cleaner up through one hole and down through the other, twisting the ends together to form the stem and you’ve got it. Que FUN! Why not recruit all your kids to maximize production – give them a quota, then continuously increase it as they go. It’ll be just like a day at work!

Once your flowers are made, you’re all ready for the funeral party (or “Day of the Dead” as your people call it). Arrange your paper flowers in vases, or, in lieu of vases, some sort of container that will at least keep them upright, like coke bottles or coffee cans, and place them all around the room, making it look extra magnifico. Sí Señor!

Finally, when the big day arrives, don’t forget to drop the US Army a line. Their recruiters love parties, and would be more than willing to come by to inform all your other young non-citizen relatives about the wonderful opportunities enlisting can provide (like the chance to drive a car legally, for starters). After all, just because one young man wasn’t so lucky doesn’t mean the rest won’t be.

Hasta la vista tontos!

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