Romney Courts Womens' Vote by Turning into Lady

Looking to court the all-important womens' vote on the threshold of the presidential election, Mitt Romney became a lady today.

Romney appeared at a rally at the Toledo Village Outlet Mall in Toledo, Ohio this morning wearing a pantsuit and high heels, then proceeded to address the crowd in a high-pitched girl's voice he occasionally struggled to maintain.

"I think it's time America put someone in the White House who understands the issues that concern women most – like rising grocery prices and annoying clutter," Romney proclaimed.

Romney, who revealed Friday that he plans to officially change his name to Matilda, has denied accusations that his sudden gender shift is nothing more than a calculated effort to reverse the prevailing consolidation of women voters behind President Obama, pointing out his recently developed breasts and as yet unconfirmed vagina.

On his waffling gender position, Romney remarked yesterday: "I think people understand that I'm a woman of steadiness and constancy. The fact is, I am all woman. I could show you, but I'm not that kind of lady."

Romney then excused himself after asking a female reporter if he could borrow a "sanitary napkin".

Poll numbers since Romney turned into a chick show plummeting support amongst both men and women, fueling speculation that he will likely go back to being a dude by next week.