Mass Shooter Gunned Down by Other Mass Shooter

ALVIN, TX - A gunman opened fire on an outlet mall in a Houston-area outlet mall this morning, killing nine people and wounding ten more before being shot dead by another mass shooter firing on the same mall, authorities said.

Coming just 24 hours after another mass shooting that saw eight people killed and seven injured outside a shopping center in Allen, Texas, the fifteen total killed by both gunmen in Alvin - the second of whom also shot himself - adds to a grim tally of 3,245,794 Americans killed by mass shooters so far this year.

"Still, it could have been worse. The presence of a second shooter in the area to engage the first enabled dozens of more potential victims to get away," Texas Governor Greg Abbot looked on the bright side.

Added Abbot: "Regardless, it would be inappropriate to politicize a tragedy of this nature for political purposes, considering their tragic nature and whatnot."

Echoing the governor's sentiments regarding the time and place for any discussion of gun control, other conservatives also questioned the judgment of those who were shot.

"You have to kind of wonder what these people are thinking being out in public, what with all the mass shootings and all," Senator Ted Cruz remarked. "I mean, nowadays there's Amazon, Grubhub, board games..."