Texas Supreme Court Upholds State Ban on Clothes Hangers, Plungers

The Texas Supreme Court upheld the state's ban on plungers and clothes hangers Monday, rejecting pleas from citizens who claim that their toilets are clogged and their blouses are getting wrinkled.

The 8-1 ruling from the court was cheered by pro-life advocates who say the devices were being used by Texan women trying to circumvent the state's strict abortion ban enacted after the overturning of Roe v. Wade in 2022.

"We conclude that there are options for unplugging one's toilet and storing one's garments while maintaining their creaseless integrity besides the conventional plunger and clothes hanger," Justice Joseph Randle wrote in the court's decision. "You can fold your clothes nicely in a drawer. And use one of those snake-thingies."

Despite the comprehensive nature of the law, which bans not only the sale and distribution of new hangers and plungers but also their possession, authorities have yet to start enforcing the latter, opting instead for more incentive-based means of compliance.

"Several counties for instance have started their own 'bangers for hangers' promotion, where folks can trade their hangers for guns, which I think is pretty neat," Governor Greg Abbott remarked. "And a similar campaign for plungers is also being planned, pending its own catchy name."

As of press time, The Lone Star State's infant mortality rate had dipped back beneath Malaysia's, but remains higher than that of the Faroe Islands.