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Can the Zika Virus Help You Lose Weight? Man Discovers He is 98% Douchebag on
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Declared a global public health emergency by the World Health Organization, the Zika virus has been linked to birth defects and other debilitating health problems. But could it also help you lose weight? "In addition to microcephaly in babies and an auto-immune syndrome similar to multiple sclerosis in adults, Zika can also cause fever, rash, severe headache, joint pain and weight loss," one doctor reported. The news that Zika can help its hosts trim down for swimsuit season... (More)
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Undead Antonin Scalia Returns to Rule Against Obamacare

Take Your Huddled Masses and Shove 'Em - By: The Statue of Liberty - Take your tired and your poor, your huddled masses, yada, yada, yada, and shove 'em. Let them be poor and miserable somewhere else. Fuck off. Country's full. I know what my stupid plaque says. I don't care... (More)
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Have I Mentioned Yet that My Parents Are Illiterate Shit for Brains? - By: Ted Cruz - You might assume from my presidential candidacy and position in the US Senate that I was born with a silver spoon in my mouth. Not so. I come from very humble beginnings. In fact... (More)

Kochs Offset Gates Foundation with $550 Billion Donation to Evil

Love Thy Neighbor as Thy Love Thyself - Unless Thy Neighbor is a Fag - By: Jerry Wallingford - As commanded by the books of Moses and recorded in Mark 12:28-34, I believe that one should love thy neighbor as thy love thyself, unless of course thy neighbor is a fag... (More)

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