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July 4th: Nation Celebrates Victory Over Indians Obama Makes Photoshopped Tour of Africa
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Poll: 50% of Country Still Gives a Shit about Abortion
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Republican Senator James Inhofe Changes Party, Sex
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New Birth Control Pill Turns Women into Christian Fundamentalists

Student Kills 47 at Military School, Voted Valedictorian
  The Ocean: Friend or Foe?
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    Angelina Jolie Takes A Poop        
    Free Market Mayor Ends War on Crime      
  Credit Card Companies Begin Breaking Legs, Thumbs  
Veteran Dies Protecting Buffet Ice Cream Machine from Fat Woman

With a poignancy that has lingered since the beginning of the current War on Terror, millions of Americans will spend their Saturday celebrating the nation's conquest over the Indians this July 4th. Armed only with their pioneer spirit, faith in God, guns and cannons, the forefathers of the United States somehow triumphed over an insurgency... (More)


ICE Raids Liberate Terrible New Jobs, Homes for Americans

Opinion
I Find Porn Disgusting And Immoral - Two Seconds After I Come - By: Shaun Roundtree - Call me a prude, but I’ve got to say that the porn that’s going around these days is pretty fucking disgusting. In fact, yes, I think I’ll even go so far as to hoist myself atop my high horse to proclaim it IMMORAL... (More)
Recent News
Fuck Freedom - By: Joe Bonner - Today was a banner day for freedom in my world. At Rite-Aid I spent the $50 in my wallet on a carton of cigarettes instead of Rogaine shampoo, and when I got home I watched Blue Velvet on the IFC and smoked. No jackbooted man goose-stepping behind me forcibly infringed on my... (More)
New GM Underground Car Introduced, Banned    

Kill Yourself with Courtesy - Etiquette Tips for the Suicidal - By: Andrew Lott - Hey, how’s it going on your side of the mortal realm? If you’re anything like I was as a person, you can’t wait to tell the world to take your life and shove it and hit the ol’ dusty trail to the great beyond, but before you go putting that... (More)

Chastity Bono's Vagina to Host Going-Out-of-Business Sale    


     
     
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