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Citizens of Angrywhitecrackervania Jeer Obama Victory
In the wake of the pandemic of wild fits of joy and celebration touched off by the news of President-Elect's Barack Obama's victory over John McCain Tuesday evening, there remains one nation that has remained immune to the fever.
Tucked away in the East European Plain between Latvia and Belarus, the 1.4 million inhabitants of Angrywhitecrackervania reportedly responded to the results of the election in the United States with immense shock that has since transmuted into a mixture of intense grief and bitter rage.
"If that's who they want, then that's who they get," scoffed one red-faced Angrywhitecrackervanian in his native tongue and manner of shouting and spraying spittle, "Yeah, we'll see about it!"
Added the man: "This proves that the whole world is stupid except for Angrywhitecrackervania and the American South."
Tragically, as other citizens of the world have gathered to party everywhere from the beaches of Rio to the streets of Paris and up and down the continent of Africa, Obama's victory has driven dozens of Angrywhitecrackervanians to throw themselves from their nation's tallest buildings and bridges in bids to end their lives, prompting President Yuki Srdvkyx to urge his 99.9% methodist constituency to seek solace in Jesus Christ.
"Obama might be President of the United States for the next four years, but Jesus remains our Lord and Savior, and shall abide as such for all eternity," he yelled.
Still, a heavy, stubborn gloom continues to loom over Angrywhitecrackervania in the aftermath of the landslide that propelled Obama into office.
"I guess now that a nigger is president they'll have to change the name of the White House to the Black House," sulked a man nursing a beer in the Angrywhitecrackervania capital Limbaughvia, "Sadly, that joke was a lot funnier the first hundred times I heard it before Tuesday."
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