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Israel Kidnaps Iran President Ahmadinejad's Rubber Ducky

Lost DuckyIn a move destined to strain already threadbare relations between the two nations, Israel confirmed claims today that it has kidnapped Iran President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad's rubber ducky.

Although Israeli Press Secretary Moshe Kiyal refused to elaborate on the operation that led to the abduction of Ahmadinejad's beloved friend and advisor, it is rumored that the seizure was the culmination of a months-long Mossad orchestrated plot to infiltrate the Iranian leader's inner-circle, and ultimately his bathroom.

Purported to be a vessel of divine guidance as well as a favorite source of bath time companionship to Ahmadinejad, the capture of the bright yellow squeeze toy is beginning to loom as a potential catalyst for a catastrophic international conflict.

"My Ducky will be returned to me unharmed by the Zionist infidels within 48 hours, or the consequences will be dire," Ahmadinejad warned in a press release that apparently failed to impress his adversaries this morning.

"Ooh, we're so scared," Israeli Foreign Minister Tzipi Livni remarked sarcastically, "Watch how fast we give his stupid duck back. Vroom."

Though Israel's intentions regarding Ahmadinejad's dear toy remain unclear, it's widely speculated that they plan to use it as leverage against Iran's intransigent campaign to become a nuclear power.

"Meh," commented US Deputy Secretary of State John Negroponte.

Meanwhile, mosques throughout Iran have been crowded this week with citizens heeding the call to prey for Ducky's health and safe return.

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