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History Channel Begins Incorporating Product Placements into History

Thirsty HitlerCiting a decline in revenue from traditional advertising methods, the History Channel has begun incorporating product placements into its programs to boost profits.

The tactical shift, though assailed by many purists who claim for instance that one of the foremost motivations for the black civil rights movement of the 1950s and 60s was not access to lower auto insurance rates, will bring the network into the 21st century as it continues to dedicate itself to educating its audience on the major environmental disasters, fighter plane dogfights and various other events of the past, its owners argue.

"The use of product placements reinforces our commitment to our shareholders, and are being deployed with discretion to minimize the impact they have on the integrity of our programming," remarked A&E Television Networks spokesman Charles Manning, "For example, a recently aired documentary on the Civil War that summarizes Abraham Lincoln's famous Address didn't change a word of the speech's original content."

Critics of the move disagree however, claiming that the branding being insinuated into the channel's programming is neither subtle nor innocuous to its accuracy.

"For every technically accurate footnote they throw in - such as the fact that John F. Kennedy's tragic assassination came 45 years before the highly anticipated release of Metallica's ninth studio album - there are at least five more that are not only completely out of context but entirely inaccurate and just plain absurd," argued University of North Carolina Professor of History Michael Buckley.

"For example, the sinking of the Titanic could not have been averted if the ship's captain had been drinking V8 as the beverage wasn't even invented until 21 years later, Hitler wasn't a Pepsi drinker regardless of what Coca-Cola's marketing department might have you believe, and there was no Staples on the lunar surface when Apollo 11 touched down there on July 20, 1969. For crying out loud, Armstrong and Aldrin were the first men to even set foot on the moon. Who would have been shopping there, martian office managers?"

Though the network says they honor such feedback, they claim that it isn't necessary relevant.

"We certainly appreciate the enthusiasm some have expressed in the interest of maintaining historical accuracy, however the content of our programming is intended for entertainment purposes exclusively, as is stated within the disclaimer that appears in the credits of every program we produce," declared A&E Vice President of Marketing Joanne Steele, "And for the record, the special on the Titanic which was referenced never intended to suggest that Captain Whats-his-name could have been a V8 drinker and thus avoided crashing into the gigantic, delicious cherry-lime Peel-a-Pop popsicle, but that it likely wouldn't have happened if he had, hypothetically been able to keep his diet straight with V8."

Related - Airing tonight on The History Channel: 8pm - Exploring the Magic of Netflix, 9pm - The Wonderful World of Miracle Whip

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