Timeshare Companies Resort to Kidnapping Potential Clients

Due to the recession and a downturn in sales, many timeshare companies have begun kidnapping increasingly frugal American consumers in order to promote their resorts.

Reports indicate that at least 200 Americans were taken and held against their will at timeshare resorts over the last year.

Jennifer Dunn of Carlsbad, California recounts her two day ordeal at the Grande Harbor Hilton in nearby La Jolla after being abducted from the Del Mar Fair in San Diego in July of 2008.

"I woke up in a car with a bag over my head, and when they took it off I was by a pool overlooking the ocean with a pina colada by my side. It was pretty tasty," she said, "Later a man took me to get a deep tissue massage. He seemed highly eager for me to enjoy it. He kept asking, 'It feels good, doesn't it?' over and over, and I told him yes, even though it actually hurt pretty bad."

"Overall, it was a pretty nice couple of days, but I don't think it would be a good idea to buy a place like that right now. Not in this economy," Dunn said.

Prevailing sentiments such as these exasperate Donald Richmond, Manager of the Marriot's Sunset Palms Club in Miami.

"You're not buying the entire condo. You're making an affordable investment that entitles you to share the property and enjoy the amenities of the resort for a defined period of time. That's why they call it a timeshare, for Christ sake," Richmond fumed, "I don't know what it takes to get these people to understand this simple concept, but we tried being nice by offering Marlins tickets, free stays, and even cash money to come see the place, but that isn't working, so now we're taking more drastic measures."

Meanwhile, despite receiving over a dozen complaints of kidnappings by timeshare companies operating within his jurisdiction, Miami Dade District Attorney Benjamin Hilton has yet to press any charges.

"People need a vacation. Whether they know it or not," Hilton remarked.