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Netflix List Exposes Man As Homosexual, Stupid To Family And Friends
Several friends and family members of Matthew Moss of Bellflower, California have been shocked to discover that the man they thought they knew is actually homosexual and of below average intelligence since accepting invitations to join his Netflix friends list over the last few months.
Indeed, every one of Moss's Netflix friends, a feature of the on-line DVD rental service that allows members to view the rental histories of consenting fellow members, have expressed profound surprise over the obvious implications of the types of movies he consistently orders, and judging by his ratings and reviews, enjoys immensely.
"I have nothing against gay people, in fact I've quite often been made to feel uncomfortable by some really vicious jokes and comments Matt has made about homosexuals in the past," commented Jay Lundquist, a friend of Moss's, "Which is why I was so astonished to discover that he is gay when I saw that he has rented every Oz, Queer as Folk and Hilary Duff DVD that's been released."
Equally stunning to Moss's Netflix friends has been the realization that he is, contrary to previous perception, very stupid.
Remarked Emily Trufant, a former co-worker, "Matt's got a BA in interpersonal communications, so I assumed he was at least somewhat smart, but judging from the fact that he rated You Got Served, Failure to Launch, and Police Academy - Mission to Moscow five stars each in the past three weeks, apparently he's borderline retarded. I'm surprised he's been able to master the functions required to open, reseal and return the DVDs he gets in the mail much less the computer skills required to order them in the first place."
Undoubtedly the most thunderstruck by the stark truths revealed by Moss's Netflix rental history has been his mother Dianne.
"I've always known my son has been a little on the slow side, so the rave reviews for all the Vin Diesel films didn't surprise me too much, but it crushes me that he felt he couldn't come out and tell me that he's homosexual. I might be naive about some things, but I know what renting every movie Judy Garland has ever appeared in means. I just wish he had a little bit more faith in my support for him, the big gay dummie."
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