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American Pregnant Olympics Team Loses Corporate Sponsorships– Evidence That Entire Campaign a Ruse for Women to Circumvent Partial Birth Abortion Ban Cited
Christian groups along with several corporations have rescinded their sponsorship of the American Pregnant Olympics team after another one of its members suffered a miscarriage during training without seeming the least bit upset about it.
Reportedly, the incident took place when the woman attempted to land a complicated aerobatic somersault from a vault while training for the gymnastics all around competition and was the fourth of its kind for the team as three of its other members also suffered similar mishaps within the last week while training for judo, pole vaulting and Greco-Roman wrestling, respectively.
The miscarriages, combined with the apparent unbridled exuberance their victims regarded them with and an emerging lack of evidence that an International Pregnant Olympics competition even exists has triggered an exodus of sponsorship while fueling speculation that the squad is nothing but an elaborate contrivance by American women wishing to abort their unwanted and hazardous mid-term pregnancies in lieu of the partial birth method that was outlawed this year.
A press release for Pepsi Co., one of the groups withdrawing their support for the games, read: “We were made to believe that these Olympics were designed to promote good pre-natal health amongst expectant mothers and would involve low impact activities only. However, upon discovering that the women were engaging in such events as wrestling, platform diving and kick boxing, we made the decision to terminate our relationship.”
Judith Montgomery, a spokeswoman for the Christian Coalition of America, was slightly less diplomatic with her comments.
“These women are nothing but murderers. I have credible evidence that the girl who killed her baby by letting another woman kick her in the stomach during so-called judo training was a virgin who’d been raped by her father and exclaimed ‘Thank God its out of me!” shortly after the incident occurred. Also, we’ve discovered that the woman who miscarried while pole vaulting was told by her doctor that her baby had no eyes, a defective heart and a seventy-five percent chance of having Cystic Fibrosis. So what does that tell you?”
Despite the blistering disapprobation and loss of funding, the squad has declared their determination to continue their preparation for the games.
“Our team’s members have struggled and persevered against great odds to get to where they are and won’t be deterred from training to meet their ultimate goal: to compete with excellence in the world’s first Pregnant Olympics. And as for some of the scurrilous accusations we’ve been receiving, all I can say is that there’s nothing I’m looking forward to more than attempting to give birth to the deformed fetus I’m currently carrying in my womb, even if there is an eighty percent chance it will kill me,” remarked Christine Swanson, captain of the squad’s field hockey team
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