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American Children Demand Their Jobs Back

At Tea Party demonstrations around the country, a new faction of pint-sized protestors are adding their voices to the motley clamor to demand equal opportunity in the workplace.

Formed earlier this year, Jobs for Kids Now (JKN) is committed to fighting for employment for American children, and already boasts a membership of 15,000 Americans between the ages of 5 and 16, according to Apex Textile Corp. Chief Administrative Officer and JKN founder George Bowman.

"Age discrimination on the jobsite is no different than an employer not hiring someone because they're black or gay, and yet such ageism isn't only endorsed by the government, it's enforced by law," said Bowman, referencing a statute in the Fair Labor Standards Act of 1938 that prohibits most employment of minors.

"This is socialism at its worst," chafed Bowman, "Let the children decide. Let the market decide. That's freedom. That's America."

Citing an estimated 60 million jobs that have had to be outsourced to foreign children since the late 1930s, JKN spokesman Jory Shore, 10, condemned the federal government for the "oppressive" child labor laws it continues to uphold.

"Obama doesn't want kids to work - he wants to keep us submissive by making us feel useless and weak. Schools are his prisons, playgrounds his jail yards. Freedom now. Equality now," Shore proclaimed, adding: "Playing is for idiots. Baseball is stupid. I don’t want to hit a ball with a stick. I want to work. I want to make my own money. I want to work in the mines, to taste the flavor of soot in my mouth."

Shore went on to scoff at the idea of being content with earning an allowance from doing jobs around the house until he's 16.

"Labor paid by the redistribution of wealth within the family unit makes that labor valueless, and therefore worthless. Allowances are communist," he said.  

Bethany Andrews, who registered her 8 year-old daughter Adrian with JKN earlier this year, supports her child's right to work.

"This kid's bouncing off the walls, pretty much 24/7, so why not let her put some of that extra energy to use at a job, make a little money while she's at it?" Andrews said, "Really, it's like she's on crack. She could probably pull one of those rickshaws."  

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