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Recalled: Artificial Poo Made in China Actually Real Human Feces

Novelty toy distributor Whodunnit Inc. became the latest US company to announce a large scale recall of products made in China today when it was revealed that recent shipments of their best selling "Pile-O-Fun" fake poop, "Poopy Pants" diapers and "Puddle-O-Puke" artificial barf consist of actual human feces and vomit.

Citing public health concerns, acting Consumer Product Safety Commission chairman Nancy Nord announced that Whodunnit is recalling every unit of artificial excrement and vomit it has sold since July 21st - 15,000 units in total.

"We're urging consumers of these products to not open them if they have yet to do so, and if they have, to dispose of the product in a manner that limits their further contact with it - for instance with a shovel," she said at a mid-morning news conference.

Evidently, this latest scare is connected with April's recall of millions of cans of dog food that originated from China.

According to authorities, the same facility responsible for producing the tainted dog food conspired to defray their losses and cut costs by having workers eat their spurned stock and either throw up or shit into diapers and plastic bags for sale overseas.

"Is very funny!" chimed Xiojing Liu, co-owner of AAA Best Industrial Manufacturing, the company that made and shipped the elicit products before being shut down.

Not funny, says the US government.

"Acting in sheer negligence of the welfare of the consumer and their own workers, AAA Best Industrial Manufacturing's employees were directed by management to fill plastic containers with their excrement and/or vomit after consuming large amounts of the rejected dog food... the containers were then packaged and shipped for sale into the American novelty market," read the official report that led to the shuttering of the factory.

Meanwhile, in lieu of committing suicide over the public disgrace of his company, Liu attempted to rationalize his actions in a message posted on AAA Best Industrial's website.

"It is hard to discern where our distinguished American colleagues wish to draw the line. They trade their people's jobs and souls to China for cheap consumer products, but they don't want us to poison them. Fine. Now I understand."

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