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Rick Santorum Simplifies Message for Dumb Base

Seeking to galvanize his partially literate base before the Super Tuesday primary elections, Republican presidential candidate Rick Santorum has focused on simplifying his simple message even further this week.

"Me and you love jobs. Me and you love freedom and trees," Santorum spoke at a campaign stop in Nashville Friday, adding emphatically: "Obama like school, Obama school bad!"

Santorum's straightforward, infantile manner of speech has already had a positive effect on his polling numbers over GOP rival Mitt Romney, whose pedantic remarks in Michigan last week, in which he praised the height of the Wolverine State's trees and declared abstrusely that he loves cars, further contributed to his appearing pompous and out of touch with the stupid.

"He love cars or me love cars?" asked one puzzled voter, "Me love cars, but he also love cars or just me love cars?"

Santorum capitalized on his dialectal advantage again yesterday in Oklahoma, proclaiming, "God good, fire bad!" – a courageously stupid statement that resonated strongly with Sooner idiots.

Trying to recapture his momentum this morning, Romney nonetheless continued to flounder – this time at a rally in Macon, Georgia where he confused and angered the audience with more esoteric jargon.

"America is a land of great opportunity and freedom, liberty and justice for all!" Romney pontificated.

A few hours later, Santorum stated, simply: "America have freedom. Me and you love America!"

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