Go Florida Dolphins!
By: Mitt Romney

If there's one thing I love as much as America's freedoms, people, land, and all the opportunity it is filled with, it would be the Florida Dolphins.

Go Flippers!

Perhaps you'd take me for a fan of my hometown Patriots, or maybe the Salt Lake City Jazz... and you'd be right! I just love football. What better way to spend a Saturday than to watch those players chase the ol' horseskin around the field, smashing into each other and reducing their brains to fois gras?

I think one of the butlers we had around when I was a child was a former pro football player. "Red" something or other, I think his name was. Crazy as a mouse in a milk bottle, that guy. Thought he was a ghost of some kind. My dad had to put him down with a shotgun.

Anyway, yeah. Love football. Love, love, love football. And beer. I can drink an entire Stella Artois on a hot afternoon. Yup, nothing like a cold Stella Artois on a hot afternoon. Unless you're talking about a cold Stella Artois on a hot afternoon while fishing.

Oh how I love to fish. Shoving that worm or some kind of slimy half-frozen sealife on a hook, tossing off and standing around for hours being eaten alive by mosquitoes - that's good stuff. Makes a lot of sense.

And then there's NASCAR. Have you seen this? They go around and around that circle so fast, and for such a long time! Wow. Fantastic.

Of course, all this being true, some people ask me, "Hey Mitt, you being such a guy's guy, aren't you afraid you won't be able to connect with the female point-of-view come election time?"

Well, let me put it this way: The next time any of you gals are going out for facials or a Broadway play, give me a jingle!