I'm Like, Soooooo Excited For Some Stupid Bullshit!
By: Some Dumb Bitch

OMG, like, did you hear about the newest piece of totally idiotic bullshit to come out? It’s like, sooooooo cool! I can’t wait to be the first dumb bitch to buy, watch, or otherwise consume it!

Seriously, this latest torrent of ass-vomit to spew from the butthole of western culture is gonna be so rad, I’ll stand in line for like, three weeks just to get it six hours before everybody else. What else do I have to do? Not work or do anything creative or otherwise the least bit useful, that’s for sure! Hells yeah!

Oh, just to think of the way this electronic gadget, movie, television show, fashion, or media gimmick will provide me with seconds of sheer exhilaration followed by minutes, if not hours of mild to moderate satiation of my otherwise atrophied brain’s engorged reward centers before I like, forget about it entirely and forever.

How do these evil assfucks who come up with all this totally exciting garbage come up with all this crap? OMG!

Man, its times like these that almost make you wonder about all the poor people in the world who can’t afford to buy every bow-tied turd that floats down shit creek from the foul, stinking springs of merchandise mountain to shovel into their mouths like it was gourmet fudge. Almost.

But really, you think those people who are missing out on all this asinine dog piss actually realize just how miserable they really are? Probably not. They’re too stupid. They probably actually think that the iPod Nano is, like, the tops in portable digital audio players, and are probably like, all, “Yeah, my PlayStation 2 isn’t like, totally old and lame by now or anything”. Sure, and Aaron Carter is still totally hot. Morons.