Debate Corner - What Are Those Two Hyenas Up To?

Those Two Hyenas Are Making Love
By: Kathryn DuChamp

Oh, would you look at that? Those two hyenas are making love. That’s so sweet. I wonder if they’re married. I heard that animals are like people in that way. The male will court the female, then they’ll mate, have a family and remain monogamous to each other for the rest of their lives. How romantic.

Boy, the affection these two have for each other sure takes me back. The twinkle in their eyes reminds me of the way my Charlie used to look at me when we were first dating. And those yapping noises the male is making, I wonder if those are hyena sweet-nothings – the kind Chuck used to whisper into my ear as we danced cheek to cheek until dawn at The Starting Gate.

Gosh, the power of love sure is something else. If it’s futile for people to resist, these hyenas never had a chance. I bet they didn't ask to fall for each other - it just happened. Not that I pity them in any way - after all, if love were a disease, I sure as heck wouldn’t want a vaccine!

Oh, wouldn’t it be something if, God willing, they should conceive a little baby hyena from this? That would be so magical.

Nature sure is enchanting.

Holy Crap - Those Two Hyenas Are Totally Fucking
By: Michael DuChamp

Holy crap, would you look at that? Those two hyenas are totally fucking. Or, more like the dude hyena is totally fucking the shit out of the chick. I mean Christ, he's really pumping her like there's no tomorrow. I bet she doesn't walk straight for a week after taking a reeming like that.

To think ten seconds ago these two were trying to rip each others necks out, and now the girl has gone completely docile while the guy savagely plows her from behind. Fascinating. They're kind of people in that way - or at least like my parents, who could go from exchanging blood curdling vows of mutilation and murder over the dinner table to rutting like wild boars in the same night.

Personally, I think sex is little more than a tool of domination. Here we have these two hyenas going at it, the dude with a totally self-satisfied smug look on his face, yipping away something that would probably translate to "How do you like me now, bitch?" while the chick let's him have his fun, all the while plotting... hey, hold the phone a second. That's no chick! Oh snap, they're both dudes! Holy shit, that guy hyena is totally fucking that other guy hyena! Sort of like how my dad's probably getting raped in prison right now.