Hey, what’s the story with Bush taking so much flack for that whole hurricane fiasco? So his administration made mistakes, what’s the big deal? After all, if I were President I definitely would’ve fucked it up at least as bad, so I can relate with the guy 100% - which is why I voted for him in the first place! I don’t want no smooth talking mister know-it-all in the White House, and that includes Slick Willies who know what to do about hurricanes!

Seriously, if I were in charge of the country and a disaster as big as Katrina went down I wouldn’t know what to do from my uncle Charlie. Bush was photographed strumming a guitar while New Orleans flooded? Shit, I wouldn’t have even managed that. I can't even play the damn guitar! I’d probably be locked in the water closet tossing my biscuits - it’s what I do whenever the wife gets pregnant, so I can safely assume it's what I’d do if a major city was destroyed under my watch as Commander In Chief.

You think flying around, looking down at the disaster area from Air Force One isn’t accomplishing anything? Well, you’re probably right, but that’s probably all I’d be able to think of, which I think is great. I’d probably have the pilot circle around the city a few times while I peered out the window thinking, “Yep, looks pretty fucked up down there,” then go straight home, and if some journalist criticized me for it I’d say, “Well what the hell do you want me to do about it? I didn’t go to no fancy hurricane relief academy, in fact I just got my GED last year!” And that’s still much less than what the President did because he thought of landing and doing some photo opportunities on the ground which, at the very least, might’ve raised some spirits by making people think somebody was actually doing something.

Another thing people made a stink over is how a lot of what went cattywonkers down there was the fault of some ignoramus ex-stable boy Bush hired to head this FEMA thing only cause they were buddies. Whooptie-doo. When you score big you gotta kick down to your pals or they won’t be your friends no more, and let me tell you, I got some pretty messed up friends. I figure by the time I filled the bigger posts like Secretary of State with guys I know who are competent enough to hold down a job shoveling horse manure, I’d be down to my retarded brother-in-law Randy for this FEMA gig, and he literally eats his own shit.

What got my goat the worst though over this whole thing was how people started criticizing the man for cracking a few jokes while he was taking a tour of the devastation. Man, I hate when people get all high and mighty over crap like that. What, like we should all be depressed twenty-four hours a day whenever something bad happens? It’s like when the space shuttle exploded over our neck of the woods a few years back and the missus got her knickers in a twist over me dangling some chicken guts over the clothesline for a gag. Hmmm… I wonder if Laura makes George make his own peanut butter, mayonnaise and roast beef sandwiches when he’s wry? Boy do I love that guy.