Obama Quits

Less than 48 hours after being sworn into office as the 44th President of the United States of America, Barack Obama has quit.

According to a White House human resources representative, Obama called early Thursday morning to inform them that he wouldn’t be coming back, citing another job offer he "couldn’t refuse".

Upon further questioning Obama reportedly indicated the other job was, "Whatever. Anything."

"Mr. Obama said he was very grateful for the opportunity and ‘all the nice ceremonies, songs and stuff’, but that certain dimensions of the position weren’t consistent with his expectations," recounted House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, who went on to note Obama had mentioned that, in spite of the difficult economic times, was willing to concede the $1,095 per day he would earn as President until his other job began in the interest of not wasting everybody’s time.

"Although I’m deeply disappointed by Mr. Obama’s resignation, I find that aspect of his decision rather admirable – especially after taking into account the imaginary nature of his other job," Pelosi said.

A tourist lingering around the White House's south gate witnessed who he now thinks was former President Obama scurrying across the White House lawn and vaulting over the ten foot tall wrought iron fence surrounding the residence a little after 4am this morning.

"He seemed to be in an awful hurry," said the man.

Obama's flight, though certain to trigger resentment amongst many of his supporters, quickly evoked empathy from some.

"Honestly, I don't really blame him," remarked one woman who voted for the vanished Commander in Chief, "This country is up shit creek without a paddle."