Every Contestant Wins National Spelling Bee

Every student who entered the 2015 Purina Puppy Chow National Spelling Bee clinched the title yesterday by attempting to spell words.

8th grader Andy Crouch was one of the 110 contestants to make it through each of the 6 rounds and tie for first place by spelling the word "nawlejable".

"Spelling bees are stupid," Crouch said. "Fuck words."

The bee's organizers praised each of this year's winners, calling the competition a big success.

"I think the kids all discovered a new appreciation for spelling, and that makes them all winners in our book," exulted bee announcer Susan Bovill.

Bee co-winner Allysa Paget, 13, who asked Bovill to repeat the word "indulgent" twenty times before spelling it "Gofuckyourself", disagreed.

"Susan Bovill is a stupid bitch," she said.

Paget, Crouch and each of the bee's other 108 winners will receive a trophy for their spectacular achievement.

"Yay!" Bovill said.