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Chastity Bono's Vagina to Host Going-Out-of-Business SaleChastity Bono, daughter of Cher and Sonny Bono, announced today that her vagina will host a Going-Out-of-Business sales event starting this week.
Appearing in a local television commercial currently running in the Los Angeles area, "Crazy" Chaz, the outlandish, loud-voiced manager of Chastity's vagina touted the sale as an outstanding opportunity for consumers to realize unprecedented savings on a broad selection of female reproductive parts and accessories.
"We’ve got labia – both minor and major, we’ve got ovaries, we've got yards and yards of fallopian tubing - we’ve even got a perfectly functioning uterus, all priced to move, so come on down to Chastity Bono’s vagina and take a look!" Chaz exclaims in the ad.
"Perfect for she-men looking to swing the other way, pro-life film producers and victims of gynecological malpractice, our prices can’t be beat!" Chaz continued.
Chaz insists that his and Chastity’s decision to liquidate inventory and close shop "as quickly as damn possible" should not be construed as a negative reflection on the quality of their merchandise, but is the product of a mutual decision to transition into new markets.
"Sale or no sale, if you can find lady parts anywhere in town finer than those right here at Chastity Bono’s vagina, you buy those parts," Chaz proclaimed, fingering a 'practically right out of the box' vulva that has yet to be snatched up as evidence of the fine products he has on hand, "Maybe I really am actually insane for practically just giving this stuff away, but it just so happens Chastity and I have decided to go into cock and balls."
Chaz added: "Everything MUST GO!"
*Chastity Bono’s vagina enforces a strict no-witchcraft policy.
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