Tila Tequila Strangled, Beaten by Half of San Diego

Reality star Tila Tequila, who lodged a citizens complaint against San Diego Chargers linebacker Shawne Merriman for allegedly choking her and throwing her to the ground early Sunday morning, has reportedly been strangled and beaten by nearly every other person she has encountered since that time.

Before being allegedly strangled by Merriman, Tequila, whose real name is Tila Nguyen, was best known for her two years spent on MTV’s "A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila," a bisexual dating show that promoted fantasies of strangling her in the vast majority of anyone whoever watched it.

According to witnesses, many of whom later became perpetrators of similar forms of assault against Nguyen according to still other witnesses, the unremitting succession of abuse continued at San Diego Police Headquarters when Sergeant Pamela Davis began throttling Nguyen within moments of initiating an interview with her regarding the incident outside Merriman's home.

"I looked over, and Sergeant Davis was choking the daylights out of Ms. What’s-her-name on the floor, so I quickly intervened," recounted another police officer, "Only shortly after restraining Sergeant Davis, I discovered that I’d begun strangling her (Nguyen) myself."

When asked what triggered his reaction, the officer had difficulty pinpointing anything specific.

"It’s not exactly what she said, but how she said it, and also the look on her face," he recalled, "And also everything else about her. Pretty much the entire package."

 Another officer at the station at the time described what he saw.

"Upon observing two of my fellow officers using what I perceived to be excessive force on a bruised and bleeding Ms. Nguyen, I interceded and made a call for an emergency medical response," said the officer.

The same officer then confessed to punching Nguyen in the face "a bunch" of times before the ambulance arrived.

Reportedly, the responding paramedics proceeded to choke and beat Nguyen into a semiconscious state of insufferable inanity while conveying her to UCSD Medical Center, where she was then strangled, bludgeoned and shaken the shit out of by a host of doctors, nurses, orderlies, receptionists, patients and visitors of the hospital.

According to reports, Nguyen was last seen at the Kathryn Crosby Home for Battered Women, where she was taken for her own protection by shelter Director Susan Sweeney, and subsequently beaten.

"I don’t know what came over me," quaked a bewildered Sweeney, "She opened her mouth and I just started slapping her face. I couldn’t control myself."