‘The New Village People’ Promote Good Old Fashioned Conservative Values

It’s the question the members of ‘The New Village People’ get asked the most by those uninitiated to their music: “So, where are the Indian, sailor, biker and construction guy?”

Their response?

“Down in hell, burning with the rest of the faggots.”

First formed in Gorgum, Texas in 2003, the band prides itself as being representative of small town conservative morals and an antithesis to the original Village People, whose “Liberal, homosexual agenda” they’re committed to redress.

“Other than the name, our band has nothing else in common with those guys,” spoke cowboy and New Village People member Dan Brown, “Our songs advocate decency and good family values whereas theirs’ endorse godlessness, bestiality and drug use. Also, our members don’t wear trumped up costumes. I’m a real cowboy, Dennis is a real priest, John is a hillbilly, Ted is in fact a businessman and Lenny just happens to look like our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.”

True to claim, every song on the band’s debut record “Stop The Music” - from its opening track “Save the Babies, Kill the Queers” to its final ditty “Let’s Kick All The Queers Out Of Town” - is dedicated to promoting the conservative platform on a spectrum of issues ranging from gay marriage and abortion to the teaching of evolution in schools, earning them a strong following in the South and Midwest.

Indeed, the group’s first single – “Ain’t No Monkey’s Uncle” has become a mainstay of dozens of stations throughout the nation’s heartland in the past year with its banjo driven melody and its catchy lyrics:

“I don’t like bananas and I don’t swing by my tail,
These liberal fag scientists should all rot in jail,
Let’s build an arc, we’ll load ‘em in three by three by three,
Wave ‘Bon Voyage’, fire the cannon and drown them in the sea”

Bu it isn't just The New Village People’s music that’s solely responsible for their rising popularity – just ask one of their legions of love bitten female fans.

“My friend Rebecca is totally into the Jesus guy because she thinks Jesus is hot and has totally wanted to do him since eighth grade, but I like the businessman guy. I think his briefcase is really cool,” said one teenage girl outside a recent New Village People concert in Charleston, South Carolina.

***Update: The Arrest of The New Village People’s bassist “Father” Dennis Lundgren for possession of child pornography has forced the cancellation of the remainder of the band’s current tour