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Report: Financial Pressures Leading to Celebrity Neglect

As a struggling economy continues to distract large numbers of Americans with personal concerns such as seeking employment and providing for their children, many celebrities have begun to go neglected, experts warn. 

"Not everyone who’s famous needs a lot of attention, but many who do and aren’t getting it now that people have become more focused on themselves are at risk of acting out in ways that can have negative consequences for themselves and others in an effort to recapture the attention of the public," remarked Lance Sydney of TMZ.

As evidence for this theory, Sydney points to Lindsay Lohan’s ongoing affair with a British hermaphrodite and Joaquin Phoenix’s recent bloody rampage through a North Carolina nursing home that left eight dead.

"Not that anything justifies anything Nicholas Cage has done in the last ten years, or Kim Kardashian’s attempt to supply American nuclear weapons technology to Iran, but at the same time it isn’t overly surprising considering the circumstances," Mike Walker of the National Enquirer said, "Naturally people have their own share of problems these days, but it also seems a bit unfair to contribute to somebody’s rise as a celebrity and then just all of a sudden stop caring about every minute detail of their lives."

Another disturbing example of celebrity neglect cited an online poll that revealed only 36% of its respondents were aware that Farrah Fawcett is currently battling anus cancer. 

"That’s a shame. To think she's had to go through this all by herself and less than fifty million others. If I only knew," lamented one poster on the site.

Still, some Americans remain dispassionate about their better-known fellow citizens.

"So Farrah Fawcett has ass cancer. Who gives a shit?" scoffed one American, "Fuck her."
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