Glenn Beck to Hold "Victory Party" on Anniversary of Martin Luther King's Death

Boldly implying that the restoration of honor to the United States will take approximately seven months, Glenn Beck announced his plan to hold a public "Victory Party" on April 4th in Atlanta, Georgia.

The fact that Martin Luther King was assassinated on April 4th forty-two years ago and buried in the park where the celebration is scheduled to take place is a coincidence, Beck insists.

"I've been informed that Doctor King died on this day. I had no idea," Beck said on his syndicated radio program this morning, "I mean, who in the world knows the actual day Martin Luther King died?"

Prefacing that he "didn't want to give too much away" about next Spring's party, Beck claims the date can't be changed due to scheduling conflicts with Jaleel White, better known as Urkel from the television show Family Matters.

Beck did reveal that the festivities would include a parade, the comic stylings of Jeff Foxworthy, live music, and dancing – within certain limits.

"Contrary to certain liberal allegations, we will not literally be dancing on Martin Luther King's grave, but a minimum of two feet away at all times," Beck promised.

Beck also called accusations of racism over his plan to issue a lifetime achievement award to James Earl Ray, "ridiculous".