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Tennessee Law to Force Women Seeking Abortion to Spend Night in Haunted House

Tennessee Governor Bill Haslem signed a bill today that will force any woman seeking an abortion in the Volunteer State to first spend a night in a haunted house.

The Finney House, located just outside of Knoxville, is said to be inhabited by the tormented spirits of school teacher Abigail Finney and her unborn fetus, a child Finney aborted by her own hand after being raped by a Union soldier in 1863.

"You can hear Abbie's tortured wails late at night - near the time she took her child's life," said Governor Haslem's sister Judy, who runs the Finney House as a bed and breakfast, "And the baby's rattle can be heard shaking – shake, shake, shake – up and down the stairs."

Some who've stayed in the house have reported other disquieting phenomenon, including waking to find their coat hangers bent out of shape.

"That was bad. I had no way to hang my clothes after that and my pants got wrinkled," said one Finney House lodger.

The controversial new law has drawn fire from pro-choice advocates, who have called it burdensome and absurd.

"It's really just stupid," remarked one opponent, "I mean, who's ever heard of a fetus shaking a rattle or walking up and down stairs?"

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