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Zeus Appoints Lloyd Felkner Greek God of Fiscal Responsibility
As the economic crisis strangling his homeland continues to tighten its grip, Greek king of the gods Zeus appointed Lloyd Felkner, heretofore to be known as Parsimonus, to serve his kingdom as God of Fiscal Responsibility today.
The appointment of Parsimonus, a husky, balding gentleman with a PhD in economics from Yale, establishes a new realm within the Greek pantheon, one which has long dedicated itself exclusively to the oversight of more worldly and carnal matters such as the sea, handicrafts and bloodlust.
"While we've been concerning ourselves with such, albeit important, things as fire and the hunt, our financial situation has gone straight to Hades," Zeus remarked during a noontime press conference Monday, "As important as love, metalworking and thunder may be, we simply cannot allow our deficit to eclipse 13% of our GDP."
The Athens Times described Parsimonus as a Post-Keynesian economist in favor of austerity measures designed to reign in Greece's sovereign debt and curry the favor of the EU and the IMF, much to the displeasure of many Greek citizens and fellow Gods.
"Parsimonus is nothing more than a deified mortal parading as an Olympian deity," decried Hephaestus, god of fire, stonemasonry, and volcanism, "Parsimonus's policies are regressive and he is ugly."
Most recently, scientists at the University of Patras began detecting an increase in seismic activity near a volcano in the Pindus mountain range, fueling fears that the differences of opinion felt over Parsimonus's appointment might trigger a catastrophic conflict amongst the gods.
"Good Zeus, that's all we need now," said one Greek man.
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