US, China Agree on Hot American Pussy for Debt Relief Deal
President Bush met with Chinese President Hu Jintao at the White House today to finalize a debt relief plan that will greatly reduce the amount of money owed to China by the United States.
The agreement, which Bush deemed essential to mitigating the United States' financial obligation to China, which has ballooned from $60 billion to over $500 billion since 2000, stipulates the conscription of five hundred American girls as "articles of prurient interest" for use by the Chinese for a period of one week.
"American girls so sexy," remarked Jintao.
White House Press Secretary Dana Perino revealed to reporters this morning that those scheduled to report for mandatory service have already been selected from photos culled from social networking sites including Myspace and Facebook as well as passport and school yearbook photos by a consortium of Chinese government officials and businessmen willing to forgive billions in US Treasury security holdings for less than a quarter of a month of sexual pleasure with a beautiful, preferably virginal, young American woman.
"We've got ourselves into a bit of a pickle here, and we're calling on a relatively small number of individuals to take one for the team, if you will," Perino said, "But the girls and handful of boys who have been chosen by our Chinese friends should view this duty as an honor and a privilege. Selected from a pool of literally millions of prospective candidates, these fine young Americans will be performing a great patriotic service to our country while having the opportunity to experience an exotic, foreign land."
Added Perino: "And as for the sex, I've been apprised that they'll probably barely feel a thing."
Despite the approbative speeches, many of those who've already been notified of their looming obligation are less than enthusiastic.
"I don't want to spend a week getting fucked by some dirty Chinaman," said one buxom sixteen year-old girl, "I'd rather fill my vagina with fresh cement."
Though experts predict that the public outcry over this most recent debt reduction deal with an Asian world power will exceed that which followed last month's federal recall of 1 million pairs of pre-worn panties used to negotiate $100 billion worth of relief from the $620 billion owed to the Japanese, officials claim their hands were tied.
"The Chinese aren't really into used panties, and the only other alternative was to let them repossess the (aircraft carrier) USS Ronald Reagan and two nuclear submarines," an anonymous source disclosed, "These guys want pussy or boats, and, well, we're keeping our boats."
