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The War on Christmas: Gay Athiest Forces Begin Liquidation of Christian Ghetto
Accounts from Grovel in New York's Queens County suggest that the liquidation of the Christian ghetto there has begun as thousands of its inhabitants have been herded upon colorfully painted cattle cars for transport to Bjork-Beckham concentration camp during the last 24 hours.
Established in early November by gay atheist forces waging a war on Christmas, Grovel is the largest Christian ghetto in the nation and is notorious for its brutal conditions.
"We were stripped of all our presents and forced to work 12 hours a day making Oriental wall fans and scented hand soap," recounted one young woman who escaped Grovel by slipping through the heavily patrolled wire fences that now surround the area, "It was horrible. They caught my little brother humming 'Joy to the World' and they shot him in the head."
Despite being provided just enough ginger bread cookies and peanut brittle to survive, Grovel Mayor and Elder of the ghetto's Christian Council Randy Haskell has argued that his people's lives can be preserved through hard work.
"The gay-athiests are reasonable people. We will work hard distilling their vodka and printing their David Sedaris novels, and they will recognize the value of our labor," Haskell proclaimed.
Bjork-Beckham Commandant Bradley von Johnson denied that any harm will come to his Christian charges.
"Oh my God, you guys are painting us out to be like total Nazis! That's crazy! Our little Christian friends are free to have a totally holly-jolly time here at camp doing all their stupid Christmas crap. Bless their mangers, sing their annoying songs over and over, all that stupid shit," Johnson claimed, "Totally serious. We wouldn't dream of affording them any less tolerance than they have to us up to now."
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