Trump's Pro-Rape, Anti-Abortion Platform Yet to Catch On with Women

Despite having secured the Republican nomination for President in 2024, Donald Trump's anti-abortion, pro-rape platform has yet to catch on with women voters.

Trump, whose base of white male and evangelical voters has been unshakeable during his primary run, has yet to win over the female vote en masse, presenting a potential liability in the general election.

"On the one hand I support his policy on immigration reform, but then I'm not so sure about the rape thing," one woman wavered. "And then, there's the abortion issue. I think maybe I'd like to keep my options open should I get pregnant from the rape."

Nevertheless, the former President continues to make inroads with black and Hispanic males while retaining support with many Christian women who don't seem to mind his history of rape and sexual misconduct as long as they themselves were not personally assaulted by him.

"I'm not saying that some of those women who have accused Trump aren't telling the truth, or that a woman shouldn't have the right to choose, or even that Trump isn't a bigot who uses racist rhetoric to belittle and dehumanize his non-white opponents and pander to his racist white base, but… wait, what was I saying?" one black Trump convert remarked.

As of press time, odds remain strong that the world's highest office will once again be held by the least qualified human on the planet for no apparent reason.