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Trump Replaces Fired NSC Official with Biological Trump Clone
Declaring his utmost confidence in himself to head the National Security Council's Western Hemisphere division, Donald Trump introduced a biological clone of himself to replace the ousted Craig Deare, who was fired Friday after making statements critical of the president.
"Nobody is more qualified than me to do the best job, which is why I have the biggest faith in myself to do it," the progenitor Trump remarked on his pick of himself during a morning press conference.
Demonstrating a lurching gate on his way to the microphone, the clone Trump spoke briefly through a heavy slur.
"Me good! Me big league!" he exclaimed, slamming the podium with a closed fist. "Terror bad!"
Shouting, "Me make friend!" the clone Trump later tried to kiss Patricia Swanson of the New York Times, earning a savage shoe swatting from Reince Priebus.
Though the appointee Trump does exhibit common features of a clone, including a bloated face and extremities as well as signs of severe mental retardation, it has not yet been ruled out that he isn't merely a heretofore unknown twin brother of the president.
"It's really hard to tell," one geneticist remarked.
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