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New-Look Democrats Introduce Racist Platform

Calling President Elect Donald Trump 'a dangerous liberal', Nancy Pelosi unleashed a barrage of invective against the GOP and minorities this morning as a tacking Democratic leadership attempt to reinvent themselves as the more racist of the two parties.

"Trump said he wanted to build a wall, and now its maybe a fence. He said he wanted to ban all Muslims, and then takes it back," Pelosi scoffed. "Trump is nothing more than an open minded con artist whose masked leanings toward fairness will allow equal opportunity for all, regardless of race, gender or creed," she accused.

Pelosi went on to describe in uncustomarily pejorative language how her party would advance its goal of courting more working class voters.

"Deal with the Mexicans and Muslims, for starters," she stated. "They both stink. We'll take care of these pool diggers and Iraqi Pete the way Trump doesn't have the guts to, and make America the best country ever."

Added Pelosi: "And don't think we forgot about our penny pinching friends in Hollywood," she winked. "You better watch out, you Jew bastards."

Still, response to the the Democrats new platform has been mixed.

Remarked one Republican voter: "Who cares what some broad says?"

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