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Guantanamo Bay Prisoner One Butt Fucking Away from Revealing Useful Information
A prisoner currently being held at the US detention camp in Guantanamo Bay, Cuba is just one butt fucking away from revealing some highly useful information, the Pentagon reported today.
Abassin Hadid, whose subjection to extreme temperatures, solitary confinement, mock executions, simulated drowning, sensory bombardment, sensory deprivation and sleep deprivation have all failed to yield anything practicable in the fight against international terrorism, has been much more responsive to being raped, prison officials say.
Remarked an anonymous camp officer: "Hadid has been a tough nut to crack. We've put him in high stress positions, waterboarded him, beat the shit out of him, even forced him to listen to Weird Al Yankovic albums for five days straight, all for nothing."
"Then I had an idea," the officer continued. "I tried fucking him in the ass, and now he's gossiping like a schoolgirl. "
The officer, who estimates he has butt fucked Hadid over fifty times, says he has extracted an abundance of information from the suspected terrorist.
"So far none of it has really checked out, but I think we're on the verge of something big," he said.
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