US Acquires Prisoner From Russia in Exchange for Right Hander Castro

The State Department announced today that they have secured the release of another American from a Russian prison in a deal that will send two cyberterrorists and right hander Miguel Castro to Moscow in addition to cash considerations.

Though not as headline-grabbing as last week's blockbuster trade that saw Wall Street Journalist Evan Gershkovich, former Marine Paul Whelan and a dozen others return home, today's swap will reunite Jake Gesicki with his elderly mother in Crossville, Tennessee after the 53-year-old was arrested last November when he travelled to St. Petersburg to meet a woman he met on an international dating application.

"Deals like these come with tough calls. On the one hand, you bring an American home, but on the other, you're giving up a serviceable right arm who can eat up innings in the middle of a 162-game season," Arizona Diamondbacks General Manager Mike Hazen remarked on the deal he collaborated with the government to finalize this morning.

Castro, who has a 4.10 ERA pitching for 6 different teams during his 10-year MLB career, indicated that he was confused by the transaction.

"I don't understand this. Can they do this?" the journeyman, whose current contract lacks a no-trade clause, inquired.

"I don't want to go. I retire," Castro added.

According to Russian Foreign Minister Sergei Lavrov, Castro will be sent to a penal in the Chukotka region north of the Arctic Circle pending a successful physical exam.